Marriage is more like an adventure trip that two people board themselves on! The journey of life that the two of them have to travel is more like a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs. Sometimes you'll be smiling and sometimes you'll be crying! The answer to the question, "Why marriages fail?" lies on how we handle the ups and downs of our married life! As mentioned in the quote, the real beauty of marriage is when you take it as life. Because even life gives you a lot of reasons to cry and feel shattered, many a times you think that life ain't working for you…what do you do then? Leave life? No, you continue to live, hoping that sooner or later things will fall into the right place. The same is the kind of attitude that you need to adopt when it comes to marriage. Sadly, that's not the case and that's the reason of why do most marriages fail!
Top Reasons Why Marriages Fail
The number of divorces have been increasing day by day and the rate has almost gone up by 50% or more. With the modern generation being so open minded, understanding and independent it's really a shocking scenario when it comes to statistics on divorce rates. What can one make out from this? Why do marriages fail more now as compared to the past generation? Has the modern approach and independent mindset got to do something with it? Let's find out what are the main reasons why marriages fail. Do you find yourself encountering the following sentences? Read out and know what should be the ideal reaction!
I Don't Want to Understand: Lack of trust and understanding is the most top rated reason among the top 10 reasons why marriages fail! Being adamant to look from the same perspective and avoiding to put yourself in your partner's shoes is why people drift away from each other. What you need to remember is that all though united as one, you still have a thinking of separate individuals and it's natural to face conflict. Being rigid and stubborn can only make things worse. You have to understand that if needed, sacrificing for your spouse will only strengthen the bond and love. After all, you promised to be with your spouse through thick and thin....right?
Lying Comes So Naturally to You: If you have this mindset that every clarification that comes from your spouse's end is a lie, then you really really need to come across the meaning of "TRUST." Trust is the base of all relationships. If you think you can sustain a happy relationship without trust, am sorry my friend, that's like swimming in a pool without water! No matter what the reason be behind your lack of trust, may be you don't believe your spouse or you have caught him/her lying in the past, the bottom line is to let go of all that's gone and form a new bond of trust and belief. Just judging your spouse based on assumptions derived from the past is so very wrong. Even in the Bible in 1 Cor. 4:5 Paul has warned against attempting to judge the thoughts and motives of others.
Where Have You Been When I Needed You: When we find that special person and decide to spend the rest of our lives with, there are a great deal of expectations that we tend to expect from our spouse. Unlike olden days where only the man used to work and the woman took care of the house, today things have changed. With both the spouses working and having an independent social and professional life, it becomes difficult to be with your partner every time when he/she physically or emotionally needs you. Both the man and wife should understand this and try to give time to each other. At the same time their should be a mutual understanding as to why is one not able to meet the expectation.
Why Does Everything Have to Be Your Way: When you start thinking in terms of "Your way" and "my way" It's a warning alarm to relocate your thoughts and approach a common mindset and thinking which knows only one way, which is "OUR WAY"! Independent thinking to some extent is all right, but when you are married, the prime focus should be on united thinking. Even the Bible quotes, "In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."I Corinthians 11:3-12
You're Not the Person I Married: If you often say this to your spouse, instead of thinking that he/she has changed, most people fail to think what made them change! This is another main reasons of why marriages fail or become an unhappy marriage. Deciding to get married is a mature decision and you need to show that maturity in your relationship too. We all are well aware of the fact that with marriage comes great responsibilities, you need to be stable financially to be secure. The casual attitude turns into serious commitments in life therefore making the person more responsible. Sadly, the pressure may tend to overcome the romance and the lack of understanding the reason and causes lead to differences in the married couple.
I Don't Need to Go Through All This!: This attitude is another step which takes you closer to a failed marriage. By saying that you don't need to go through all this means that you are open to escape from the person, and eventually from the marriage. Instead the attitude that one should need to develop, is to work out how to make things better and not to consider "escape" as an option! In life too, no one wants to go through the lows and difficulties, but working them out and not letting go is what makes life worthwhile!
I Can Find Someone Better!: I personally believe that when people have more options, the urge to stick around fades away! That's one of the reasons why 90% of the divorce reasons are due to infidelity! It is obvious that we want to see only the best of our spouse, but then it's not completely accepting the person, right? It's rightly said, "Always marry a person who understands that you are not perfect and still wants to spend the rest of his/her life with you." When taking vows in front of the alter, and uniting in the holy matrimony, most of the couple fail to realize that they are united with the person forever. The Bible quotes the instance when Jesus was confronted by the scribes and Pharisees about the divorce issue, He brought them back to this foundational truth and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Matt. 19:5-6). I am sure if the 'other options' were eliminated from the world and people have the mindset of only 1 person in their lives, they would choose to stick around and work it out instead of letting go!
You are Blaming Me for This?: Aaahh...the never ending blame game!! Things go wrong for the couple when instead of showing their mature side to team up and work things out, they are busy blaming each other for their miseries! If blaming ever solved the problem, go ahead, blame all the more! But then we all know it never lessens the problem, in fact, makes the matters worse! The couples end up saying mean and hurtful things to each other. "Gentle words bring life and health; A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."~ (Proverbs 15:4)
There is No Intimacy…You Don't Need Me Anymore: Lack of physical intimacy is another reason why marriages fail. Unlike olden days where sex was saved until marriage, these days people indulge in sexual activities before marriage. Many of you won't accept it but knowing your spouse too much before marriage results in creating a sense of boredom and lack of sexual attraction towards your partner. Until both or at least one of the partners make conscious efforts to do something interested and experiment in the bedroom. The lack of this effort leads to marriage breaking issues like having an extra marital affair and cheating.
I Don't Fit in Your Life: Eventually after all the above mentioned aspects of marital problems, a thinking develops in the mind that either of the partners don't fit into each others life! When this mindset sinks in, all you would do is find ways to get out of the relationship instead of adapting conscious efforts of working it out. Fighting over short term issues and blaming each other keeps the once madly in love couple so busy that they forget to see each others positive aspect and focus only and only on the negative side.
I am sure by now you may have understood that the reasons why marriages fail, lies in small issues and high egos. It really concerns me as to how can you hate the person to such an extent that you want to get separated! Or may be…you never loved the person. To conclude this article, all I would like to quote is my favorite verse from the Bible, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love doesn't demand it's own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged." So learn to love the person you married and know how blissful the unity is.
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